A pretty teacher was concerned with one of her students. Taking him aside after class one day, she asked, "Little Johnny, why has your school work been so poor lately?" "I'm in love," the boy replied. Holding back an urge to smile, she asked, "With whom?" "With YOU!" he said. "But Johnny," she said gently, "don't you see how silly that is? It's true that I would like a husband of my own someday. But I don't want a child." "Oh, don't worry," the boy said reassuringly, "I'll use a rubber!"
Crying Wife After Guy Looked Up Skirt
A man walks in the door after a day at the office to find his wife crying at the kitchen table. "What's wrong?"ˇ he asks. "I went to the store today, and a horrible man looked up my skirt. He said, "I'd like to fill that with beer and drink it,"ˇ she sobs. "I wish you'd been there to kick his ass." "First, honey, I've repeatedly told you to wear panties every day,"ˇ replies the husband. "And, second, there's no way I'd mess with anyone who could drink that much f**kin beer."
Non-Alcoholic Beer
There once was a man who had a severe drinking problem, and a friend of his was trying to help, and even tried to help him switch to non alcoholic beer. "Dude, you really should try it, it tastes exactly the same, and it will help your problem." Said the friend. "I don't know," said the drunk "Drinking a non alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin...sure it tastes the same but it just ain't right!"
Three Prostitutes
This joke provided by Lazer listener, "Papa T." Thank you sir, you are truly demented just like us!
Three generations of prostitutes (Grandma, Mother and Daughter) were sitting and discussing the price of a Bravo-Juliet (aka, Blow Job). The grand daughter made it clear to the the others that she charged at least $100.00, depending on what was required. The mother spoke up and said that in the 70's, $50.00 was a good price. Well, grandma finally said that back in her day, they did it for FREE, it was nice to have something warm in their tummy.
Little Johnny's Daddy has 2 Penis'
Little Johnny was sitting in his first sex ed class one day when the teacher drew a picture of a penis on the board. "Does anyone know what this is?" she asked. Little Johnny raised his hand and said, "Sure, my daddy has two of them!" "Two of them?!" the teacher asked. "Yeah. He has a little one that he uses to pee with and a big one that he uses to brush mommy's teeth!"
3 Men Go to Nightclub
3 men went to a night club looking to pick up chicks. One of the guys saw the hottest chick he'd ever seen. "I'm gonna talk to her", he said. "NO NO NO" said the other 2 guys. "She'll mess you up real bad!" The guy went over and talked to her anyway. They talked for awhile and then went back to her apartment and started to get down to business. 2 minutes in he had to quit. "I can't take it any more! It's too rough," he said. "Alright," she said "I'll be back in a minute." A couple minutes later she returned and they started again, now it was really smooth and nice. "How did you fix that?" he asked. "I picked the scabs and let them puss." she replied!
Family Driving Behind Garbage Truck
A family are driving behind a garbage truck when a sexual device that women like flies out and thumps against the windshield. Embarrassed, and to spare her young son's innocence, the mother turns around and says, "Don't worry; that was an insect." To which, her son replies, "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a huge d**k like that."
Doctor has Good News and Bad News
A doctor tells a patient that he has some good news and some bad news for him. the man asks for the bad news first to which the doctor says "it seems that the test results show you only have three months to live." The man panics and quickly asks what the good news could possibl be. "Well," the dotcor says "you see the nurse with the long legs, great ass, and big boobs?" The man says "yeah, i saw her, but what does that have to do with me." "Nothing," says the doctor "I'm just f****g her, and i thought it was good news."
DIRTY JOKE 7-7-10
A serious drunk walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her and kissed her. She jumped up and slapped him silly. He immediately apologized and explained, "I'm sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her."
"Why you worthless, insufferable, wretched, no good drunk!" she screamed.
surprised the drunk man said "holy ****," "you sound exactly like her too!"
Dirty Joke of the Week 6/30/10
Three boys received their grades from their female sex education instructor. One got a D+, the second a D- and the third an F. "One day we should get her for this," said the first boy. "I agree. We'll grab her..." said the second. "Yeah," said the third. "And then we'll kick her in the nuts!"
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