I will be catching a plane to the one and only VEGAS for 6 days!! All year round we work, to make money and survive. For most people in this world we all have a very set routine week to week, with all work and very little play. I am one of those people but at the least, once a year I need a break from reality. Responsibilities most of all. I think everyone should take vacation once a year to regain your sanity even if it’s not anywhere extravagant. Bon voyage!

Today’s the day! I’m officially 24 years old! I love birthdays, you wake up in the morning and you have lived yet another entire year.

It’s fun to think back to some of the ways you have celebrated and just about exciting things in general that you have done throughout the years.  It’s funny though how different birthday celebrating has become. When your little it’s all about the presents,16, 17, 18, your getting more privledges and celebrating your freedom 21, 22, 23 your worried about the quickest way to get drunk. Today though at lovely 24 I just want to spend time with my friends and family.  I can deffinitly tell I am getting older though, my mom stopped by my work today to give me my birtday presents…..grocery gift cards! It’s funny because it’s literally the perfect gift.  She knows me oh so well and that is then why I thanked her for cooking me up with my dad 24 years ago, today!!

Love your birthday when it comes around!

It’s very rare you will ever recieve a “fwd” from me via email.  I get them all the time and most of them I trash before I even open them  but once in a great while you come across somthing great! Because I laughed out loud at both of these I decided to be part of the so called  “FWD”…

WOMAN’S WEEK AT THE GYM 

This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a regular workout routine.
 
Dear Diary,

For my birthday this year, my daughter (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me.

Although I am still in great shape since being a high school  cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.
  
I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Brad, who identified himself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear.
 
My daughter seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started!  The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.
 

MONDAY:
  
Started my day at 6:00 a.m.  Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Brad waiting for me.  He is something of a Greek god - with blond hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile.  Woo Hoo!!  Brad gave me a tour and showed me the machines.  I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which he conducted his aerobics class after my workout today.  Very inspiring!
  
Brad was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time he was around.  This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!!

TUESDAY:
  
I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door.
  
Brad made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then he put weights on it!  My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I  made the full mile.  Brad’s rewarding smile made it all worthwhile.  I feel GREAT!!  It’s a whole new life for me.

WEDNESDAY:
  
The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it.  I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals.  Driving was OK as long as I didn’t try to steer or stop.  I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.
 
Brad was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members.  His voice is a little too perky for early in the morning and when he scolds, he gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying.  My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Brad put me on the stair monster.  Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators?  Brad told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life.  He said some other shit too.

THURSDAY:
  
Brad was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as his thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl.  I couldn’t help being half an hour late, it took me that long to tie my shoes.
 
Brad took me to work out with dumbbells.  When he was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom.  He sent some skinny bitch to find me.
  
Then, as punishment, he put me on the rowing machine — which I sank. 

FRIDAY:
  
I hate that Brad more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world.  Stupid, skinny, anorexic little #@*. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat him with it.
 
Brad wanted me to work on my triceps.  I don’t have any triceps!  And if you don’t want dents in the floor, don’t hand me those damn barbells or anything else that weighs more than a sandwich.  The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher.
 
Why couldn’t it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?

SATURDAY:
  
Brad left a message on my answering machine in his grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today.  Just hearing him made me want to smash the machine with my planner.  However, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.
 

SUNDAY:

I’m having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over.  I will also pray that next year my daughter (the little shit) will choose a gift for me that is fun — like a root canal or a hysterectomy.  I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds……………

This one I’m sure a lot of people may have already seen since it has been all over the news and every where else but if you haven’t seen it watch it then share it with someone else…….

I bring you David after Dentist!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=txqiwrbYGrs

To those of you wonderful people who take the time to read my blog, I wanted to give you a quick update:

In part 1 of my holy wind chill blog I mentioned “before the end of winter I will slip on the ice”…. that time has come and I have the bruise to prove it. I wish I could say it was graceful. 

Tempurature dropped rapidly yesturday making it easy for me to throw on my robe and scan the TV for somthing interesting to watch.  Up until now I hadn’t been very observant…One of the gifts I received as this years rock girls is free cable for 6 months. The no bills in the mail, I noticed that immediatly.  But last night I also discovered that I have every channel known to man!! Literally EVERY channel.

So heres a thanks to Lazer for making me a little lazier during the cold months.  I missed out on a months worth of free movies due to my lack of attention to detail. So I have a busy schedule of catching up. Hope everyone is having a great winter, if you need me I’ll be wrapped in blankets, surrounded by snacks on my plush couch for the remainder of the free cable season.

Driving into work today my new 2008 Jeep Liberty informed me that the tempurature outside today is -1… Not that I hadn’t noticed while standing in an open field waiting 20 minutes for my dog to find the perfect place to crap. Regardless, Iowa winters are really somthing.

On the average, I enjoy most of winter especially all the great holidays. As for the snow I can handle that, within reason cold temps I can handle that, the icy slope which I call my driveway that I will face plant on  at least once before the end of winter is not great but with caution it will not ruin my love for winter so i would say I can handle that, the massive bloody noses I will run into due to extreme dry weather start to get me thinking I wouldn’t have this problem if I were in the Bahamas…Maybe Iowa winters are not as great as I remember but I will continue to smile because things could always be worse.  

Well I was trying to decide what to write for my first blog and this is the best I could come up with…. Thanksgiving is just around the corner so it seemed appropriate.  This thanksgiving like every other I’ve had for the past 23 years will be spent with family!  Thursday we’ll go to Jefferson, Iowa. Then Saturday we’ll venture all the way to Cedar falls, Iowa. We’ll hug, laugh, watch the macy’s day parade, stuff deviled eggs, watch football and finally sit down and have some Turkey (with ketchup).!  I hope everyone has family traditions to look forward to because to me Holidays are the BEST time of the year. Be safe, wear stretch pants!