A professor at the University of Kentucky was giving a lecture on the supernatural. To get a feel for his audience, he asks, "How many people here believe in ghosts?"
About 90 students raise their hands. "Well, that's a good start. Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you have seen a ghost?" About 40 students raise their hands.
"That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?" About 15 students raise their hand. "Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?" Three students raise their hands.
"That's fantastic. Now let me ask you one question further.... Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?" Way in the back, Bubba raises his hand.
The professor takes off his glasses, and says "Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost.. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience."
The student replied with a nod and a grin, and began to make his way up to the podium.
When he reached the front of the room, the professor asks, 'So, Bubba, tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost?'
Bubba replied, "Sh***t!! From way back there I thought you said 'goats!'"
Two women at a bar
Two women were at a bar. One looked at the other and said, "You know, 80 percent of all men think the best way to end an argument is to make love."
"Well," said the other woman," that'll sure f***in change hockey!"
Little Johnny Knows the WHOLE Truth
At school Little Johnny was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth."
Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. He goes home, and as he is greeted by his mother he says, "I know the whole truth."
His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, "Just don't tell your father."
Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, "I know the whole truth."
The father promptly hands him $40 and says, "Please don't say a word to your mother."
Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, "I know the whole truth."
The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, "Aw s**t, well come give your real father a big hug."
Frenchman, Italian and Polishman eating lunch
A Frenchman, an Italian and a Polishman were on lunch and talking about what makes their wives hot.
The Frenchman said, "Oh I lay my women on red linen sheets and play French love music, that really makes her hot."
The Italian said, "I have my lady lay on black satin sheets, I put warm wine in her belly button and lick it out slowly, that REALLY gets her hot"
The Polishman said, "That aint nothing guys, when me and the old lady get done having sex....I wipe my d**k off on the curtains, that really makes her HOT!"
2 Dudes at a Singles Bar
These two buddies are sitting at the bar in a singles' club and talking about another guy sitting at the other end of the bar.
"I don't get it," complained the first guy, "He's not good looking, he has absolutely no taste in clothes, and he drives a beat up wreck of a car, yet he always manages to go home with the most beautiful women here!"
"Yeah," replies his buddy, "He doesn't even have good conversation, all he does is sit there and lick his eyebrows."
Dude Shows chick his high tech watch
A rather confident man walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, then casually looks at his watch for a moment.
The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?"
"No," he replies, "I just bought this state-of-the-art watch and I was just testing it."
The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?"
"It uses alpha waves to telepathically talk to me," he explains.
"What's it telling you now?" she asked.
"Well, it says you're not wearing any panties." he said.
The woman giggles and replies, "Well it must be broken then because I am wearing panties!"
The man explains, "f***ing thing must be an hour fast."
Guy Had a Bad Day
There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. Staring at it for half of an hour.
Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."
"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, miss my alarm and am late to the office. My boss, pissed off, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."
"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my f**ing poison."
Dead grandfather
On hearing that her elderly grandfather had died, Jenny went straight to visit her grandmother. When she asked how her grandpa had died, her grandma explained, not holding back anything of course, "He had a heart attack during sex, Sunday morning!"
Horrified, Jenny suggested that screwing at the age of 94 was surely asking for trouble!
"Oh no," her grandma replied. "We had sex every Sunday morning in time with the church bells!"
"In with the dings, out with the dongs!"
She paused to wipe away a tear, "If it wasn't for that g**damn Ice Cream Truck, he'd still be alive!!!"
Womans hubby is 300% impotent
A woman goes to her doctor, complaining that her husband is 300% impotent.
The doctor says, "I'm not sure I understand what you mean."
She says, "Well, the first 100% you can imagine. In addition, he burned his tongue and broke his finger!
Old woman kills her old hubby
One night, an 87-year-old woman came home from Bingo to find her husband in bed with another woman.
She became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their 20th-floor apartment, killing him instantly.
Brought before the court on the charge of murder, she was asked if she had anything to say in defense of herself. To which she calmly said to the court,"Your Honor, I figured that at 92, if he could f**k, he could fly."
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